Additionally, I find that survivors often forget why they are no longer in contact with their prior abusers. A reminder that cognitive dissonance formed by the trauma bond and emotional abuse by the abuser will sometimes circle around in the psyche and create a sense of pining away for a lost "love". It is during these times that survivors need to be reminded that the abuser they were with, as an extreme narcissist, was not capable of love in a healthy way. One of the greatest articles I have read on the common question: "Did my narcissistic lover ever love me?" was written by Kaleah LaRoache of narcissismfree.com. Her article is eloquently stated here. Remember to stay No Contact ! You are worth it! You deserve healthy connections and love in your circle of support. Don't be afraid to pull those unwanted weeds out of your garden of support. New growth will blossom and bloom as a result in the form of healthy, authentic relationships as you work through your recovery. For further reading, see my ebook Soul Vampires: Reclaiming Your LifeBlood After Narcissistic Abuse. Please contact me if you are interested in psychotherapy or telehealth consultation.
Peace and healing wishes, Andrea Schneider, LCSW