So many of my clients who have had the misfortune of being in a romantic relationship with a narcissist most definitely possess the qualities of high emotional IQ. By that I mean, often targets of malignant narcissists imbue the highly sought after qualities of authenticity, integrity, compromise, accountability, empathy, reciprocity and the capacity to love on a mature level. An emotional abuser actually seeks to entangle him/herself with love objects who possess the very personality characteristics they are lacking.
Slippery and and Scaly: Beware of the Reptilian Shadiness of the Seductive-Withholding Narcissist
By Andrea Schneider, MSW, LCSW
Dear readers: I am glad you are following me on my blog. I am honored that The Minds Journal is syndicating my articles on their online platform as well. My recent article can be found not only on my blog on my website here but also at The Minds Journal here ... thank you for following me :) Namaste, Andrea
Singed and Spinning from Gaslighting: An Emotional Abuse Weapon of Extreme Narcissists
by Andrea Schneider, MSW, LCSW
Complex-PTSD: Recovery in Psychotherapy for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse
By Andrea Schneider, MSW, LCSW
January 15, 2017
As a therapist specializing in the treatment of narcissistic abuse recovery, I am privileged to work with survivors in their journey of healing and moving forward to reclaim wellness. Many of my clients have been impacted by psychological abuse in love, work or family relationships. Most have experienced a form of sustained traumatic grief, which is also termed Complex PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) or C-PTSD. Treatment for this aptly termed complex fusion of anxiety, depression, grief, and reclamation of healthy relationships and self of sense is a multi-faceted process requiring much commitment by both therapist and client, unconditional positive regard of the therapist, and endurance and fortitude by both. Fortunately, recovery is probable and hopeful, with skilled, compassionate help. I am honored to bear witness to the transformation before me with the incredible work my clients embark upon to reclaim their wellness.
In the trauma literature, Judith Herman, author of the seminal work, Trauma and Recovery (1992) was the first to coin the term, Complex-PTSD. Subsequently, many pioneers in the field of trauma have elaborated on the concept and addressed different pathways for healing to occur (see resources at end of article). One of the more recent books published, entitled Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving (2013) by trauma therapist Pete Walker, discusses C-PTSD as: “ C-PTSD is a more severe form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is delineated from this better known trauma syndrome by five of its most common and troublesome features: emotional flashbacks, toxic shame, self-abandonment, a vicious inner critic and social anxiety” (pg. 3).
For individuals exposed to narcissistic abuse over a long stretch of time, whether in work, family or romantic relationships, the individual has absorbed trauma on many levels - physiologically, cognitively, and emotionally. Recovery work involves the integration of these three levels of the brain to “master” and release the trauma. The work of Bessel van der Kolk in his ground-breaking book, The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma (2015) illuminates the options for blending an eclectic approach to interventions, including somatic work, mindfulness-based cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, and expressive arts, to name just a few.
Also helpful in the literature for survivors is the discussion of the trauma bond, which is so common in relationships with psychological abusers. Patrick Carnes’ work The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships (1997) is also helpful in understanding what a trauma bond looks like and how a survivor can psychologically sever the tie connecting them with their abuser. Carnes’ addresses the need to establish healthy connections with a community of support, establish and reinforce healthy boundaries with others, increase self-acceptance, psychoeducation of abuse cycles, and reclaiming an empowering narrative of recovery (pg. 165).
Individuals impacted by psychological abuse need and deserve support by skilled trauma-informed clinicians who understand narcissistic abuse. We are living in a day and age where we can see narcissistic abuse present on many levels, be it in politics, community, work, home or love relationships. One of the first steps in healing from narcissistic abuse is the psychoeducation of this insidious form of psychological abuse. Subsequently, survivors are most helped by skilled strengths-focused, trauma-informed clinicians who understand the subtle nuances of narcissistic abuse recovery. Trauma work is often multi-dimensional and complex, just as recovery from C-PTSD could be described as excavating through various layers of healing. With compassionate and informed help, survivors have an excellent opportunity to reclaim wellness and begin a new chapter of wellness and inner peace.
**the author of this article, Andrea Schneider, MSW, LCSW, is currently writing a workbook for survivors of narcissistic abuse, a follow-up to her first ebook, Soul Vampires: Reclaiming Your LifeBlood After Narcissistic Abuse (2015).
Carnes, Patrick (1997). The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships, Health Communications, Inc.
Herman, Judith (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence- From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror, Basic Books.
Levine, Peter (2012). In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness, North Atlantic Books.
Van der Kolk, Bessel (2015). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma, Penguin Books.
Walker, Pete (2013). Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, Azure Coyote Books.
New Year, New Beginnings
Greetings all. May 2017 bring you good health, prosperity, balance, joy, adventure and peace. I hope that you have had some time to relax, restore, and rejuvenate over the holidays. I know for me, it has been an essential time of reflection, meditation, special connections with family and friends, hiking, and goal setting.
I always encourage my clients to begin the new year by reflecting on what they are proud of they have accomplished in the last year and to honor themselves for that achievement in some way. In turn, I recommend to those I work with that they also set new goals for the new year. Maybe those goals carry over from the year past; maybe they are new goals. It's always fulfilling when we have purpose and passion in our daily lives. Perhaps you are looking to solidify authentic connections with friends and family; maybe become more politically active, focus on health and renewal, cultivate a spiritual practice that serves you well and those you love.
I know for me, this winter holiday day gave me the opportunity to reflect and to take stock at what I wish to continue to incorporate in the new year. At the top of the list will be to weave in nature and hiking and a daily meditation practice. Relationships are always very important to me. I am honored to work with the many clients I serve. I am also very blessed to have a family and social support network that is rich and fulfilling, and which adds immeasurable joy to my life.
I challenge you...what changes will you make in this new year...for yourself, for the greatest good for all....and what accomplishments will you continue to manifest....reflect on that, and welcome the new year....
Andrea Schneider, LCSW
Andrea Schneider, MSW, LCSW